Funny Jokes about Italians

Well this is my first post for Tales, Tidbits & Tarantellas and I thought I’d start it off with a little humor.  I received this as an email from my cousin a couple of years ago and I saved it because I thought it was really funny.  I am 100% Italian and I found this very funny.  You know what they say, “If you can’t laugh at yourself, then you are taking life too seriously.”  (Actually, there are quite a few “if you can’t laugh at yourself” quotes, but I like this one the best.)  So here’s a bit of Italian humor. I hope you have a good laugh.

 

Do you know why most men from Italy are named Tony?
On the boat over to America they put a sticker on them that said  TO NY… (To New York )

You know you’re Italian when. . .
-You can bench press 325 pounds, shave twice a day and still cry when your mother yells at you.

-You carry your lunch in a produce bag because you can’t fit two capicola sandwiches, 4 oranges, 2 bananas and pizzelles into a regular lunch bag.

-Your mechanic, plumber, electrician, accountant, travel agent and lawyer are all your cousins.

-You have at least 5 cousins living in the same town or on the same block. All five of those cousins are named after your grandfather or grandmother.

-You are on a first name basis with at least 8 banquet hall owners

-You only get one good shave from a disposable razor.

-If someone in your family grows beyond 5′ 9″, it is presumed his Mother had an affair.

-There were more than 28 people in your bridal party.

-You netted more than $50,000 on your first communion.

And you REALLY, REALLY know you’re Italian when . . . .

-Your grandfather had a fig tree.

-You eat Sunday dinner at 2:00.

-Christmas Eve . . . only fish.

-Your mom’s meatballs are the best.

-You’ve been hit with a wooden spoon or had a shoe thrown at you.

-Clear plastic covers on all the furniture.

-You know how to pronounce “manicotti” and “mozzarella.”

-You fight over whether it’s called “sauce” or “gravy.”

-You’ve called someone a “mamaluke.”

-And you understand “bada bing”.

– Italians have a $40,000 kitchen, but use the $259 stove from Sears in the basement to cook.

-There is some sort of religious statue in the hallway, living room, bedroom, front porch and backyard.

-The living room is filled with old wedding favors with poofy net bows and stale
almonds (they are too pretty to open).

-A portrait of the Pope and Frank Sinatra hang in the dining room.

-God forbid if anyone EVER attempted to eat ‘Chef Boy-ar-dee’, ‘Franco
American’, ‘Ragu’, ‘Prego’, or anything else labeled as Italian in a jar
or can.

-Meatballs are made with pork, veal and beef.

-Italians do not care about cholesterol.

-Turkey is served on Thanksgiving AFTER the manicotti, gnocchi, lasagna, and
minestrone or ‘shcarole’ soup.

-You got screamed at by Mom or Nonna and half of the sentences were English, the other half Italian.

-Italian mothers never threw a baseball in their life, but could nail you in the head with a shoe thrown from the kitchen while you were in the living room.

True Italians will love this.
Those of you who are married to Italians will understand this.
Those who are friends with Italians, will smile.

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